the truth?

Sometimes I get disgusted with myself..

Destruction

Hi again friends , sorry lama tak update blog huhu, distracted sgt =(

Now i'll be posting everyday, i'll try hehe

okay today i have a story to post in my memories blog ni. Its about me n my dear friend. Here goes nothing

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I met him about hmm a year ago. He's a friend of Danny n was very friendly to me. When I first saw him I knew he'd be someone important in my life. So we began to learn more about each other day by day. We even did the cutest things together back then. We used to send each other cute memo notes whenever we're free. Especially during break time. He called me cute names hehe, I love em so much till one of em got stuck till today. We used to call each other using tat nickname. We went to extra classes together. We were together most of the time. We did ymchat till 5am in the morning. We bond . Back then, I was already in love with him but I thought its sumting tat i can delay. Delay about telling him the truth cuz he's the kind of guy tat dont trust in commitments. He dont wanna get involve in any relationship with me. I knew tat, so i think its best to learn about him more before we go somewhere else.

After SPM, he moved back to his hometown. Well its kindda sad for me. I was really sad about it. But there's always ways to be with him. Its like we were blessed or something cuz I met him many times after SPM. I went there n, he came here. Even in KL , we met. huhu We went to Genting Highlands together. Many new things I get to do whenever he's around. Tho i knew him for some time, but there's always things to do. words to say. For him its nothing, but for a girl, a girl like me, attention from him really moved me. I was happy whenever he's around. I am always. No matter where, just a ymchat with him, or in Genting riding those roller coasters, at my kampung or even a quick smsing with him. Im happy. was.

But there are times. when I hurt him badly. Till we gt into fights. He's mad at me, n me too. Me and him, sometimes we fight. Sometimes I cried cuz hurting him doesnt do nothing better to me. I realized tat so lately, ive been teaching myself not to get offended easily by him. He is a very frank man, he says whatever he hafto say. Even now Im still praising the land that he walked huhu. I dont know why, but I just cant stop it. Maybe its just me. huhu.. but me n him, we tend to forgive each other easily. Thats what I love about us.

I told him things that I suppose to let him know like 8 months ago. So, of course I dont hope for anything cuz it'll not gonna be the same. He's not the same guy as before. I cudnt hope for anything n he is frank. I have to be ready for this. I have to swallow the consequences if i cross the line. Well i confessed. I told him about my feelings. Perigi cari timba, yup tats me. Im that despo. huhu. Well as expected, he declined and pushed me back to where I suppose to be, safely in the comfortzone. And somehow, the truth cuts deeper than what Ive been lying to myself before. IT CUTS DEEPLY! Reading his words, my tears falls down unexpectedly. N it goes like more n more n more till i realized that I was sobbing! huhu pretty bad huh? Just now I was like LOST! He was my place to run to whenever nobody would take me in. He was my bestfriend n my lover, we love each other so much. He was the guy that I fall in love with. I never know tat I loved him this much to cry for him this bad huhu, a guy n a girl cud never be bestfriends huhu that fer sure

How I wish this was all a mistake, I cudnt handle the truth. I cant. I shudve think first before doing this. Now Im lost n I know Im being ludacris,but this is me. Im learning to let him go slowly. I cant afford to keep on getting hurt by myself. Its Love n love is something that I take seriously. I take u seriously for no reason . Im sorry. huuhu I told him the truth cuz I dont wanna lose him ever. but seeing it from where i left this, I lost him already kot, uhuhu Im sorry

i think i'll hang on if u still want me, but if u dont i guess i'll move on

I am in love with u, n its gonna be hard for me to go thru this. Im embarrassing myself here but I dont mind. I dont believe in commitments either, but when its u, I think its gonna be fine. huhu thats what I think. Not u. Well what s left to say? hmm I hope i havent done any damage to our friendship. I'll try being ur friend n treat u as a friend. I'll try my best. ily more

ONE SIDED?

hii again readers!!!!!!!

Ive slept almost 3/4 of the day. hohoho, but Im still sleepy and tired. huks

I have a trivia for all of you, just wondering am I the only person who ever feel this way, or its a normal feeling. hehehe, ok here goes nothing.

Have you ever feel like totally not in the mood for anything? Have you ever thought that you deserve the same special intimacy? Had you ever ever ever WISHED for something to go your way?

Well, I do. Till I believe that I am already immune to feeling em but.... Im not

Sometimes jealousy take over me, why? Because I hoped for more.. I always hope for more.. huhu Anyways I know I have to be able to take this and learn from it each and every time cuz only then, I think I cud breakaway from this absurd feeling. I dont own anyone and nobody owns me except my creator.

Thats the rule of life

It sounded so LONELY!!!

Just that sometimes I wish someone needs me the same way I need somebody, anyone. hihiks silly me.

This what happens when you oversleep ok guys, so stay healthy and sleep well

XOXO MUAXIES

ANOTHER HEART CALL

I've been walking around all day,

Thinking.

I think I have a problem,

I think I think too much.

I've been taught to hold back my tears

And avoid them.

But you make pain into something I could touch.

Pernah tak korang rasa satu detik hati bila kita macam kekosongan dan apa yang boleh mengisi ruang tu hanyalah dengan mendengar khabar orang yang kita sayang?

Well, thats what Im going through right now... All of a sudden I feel like wanting to hear my someone's voice.. But I dont want to barge into that someone's life to often..

That someone might just feel uneasy right? huhu, obses ke budak ni kan? hihi

I always felt my days were perfect IF I hear about that someone, even though its just a short sms from that someone nor an hour on phone with that someone.. That someone always made my day..

Have you ever had this weird kind of obsession towards the people that you care? I think its normal..

Its LOVE and love is normal

There's no such thing as LOVE between lovers ONLY..

The love among friends is also as powerful as other type of love kan?

And the sweetest part is..

When you love somebody, they will always be in our thoughts

Anyway, if youre reading this.. Im looking forward to talk to you again, give me a call whenever you are free.. Im available for you, always..

p/s: Just take some time to call or sms your loved ones.. Its worth it.. Live life to the fullest and do not miss the chance to love everyday..

Cherish love!!!

MISSING YOU XOXOXO

TOO TIGHT? IS THAT IT?

Hi , its already 2am and i should really be sleeping rite now..

I am feverish.. My nose hurts and my chest is burning..

My head is spinning !!

I had a lil chat with my galfren just now.

She was telling me about her handsome korean wannabe friend which happened to like her..

HE IS SOOOO CUTE! huhu.. I have to admit it, I was so jealous!

This is getting really absurd. hihiks

I dont know why, but its like a bullet passing through my flesh!!!

Seeing my friends, girls especially, having their own guys..

I cant help but to be so jealous.

Why cant I have something like that?

I want something like that too.. I deserve it, maybe

I kept on thinking, hehehe.. So weird!

I always rejects the idea of couple romance, but I sooo want it right now..

Plus I am feverish, my mental and hormone balance r so damned! I feel like crying!ahaks

last few night theres this girl.. She charged that I have anorexic eating problem.

WTF lah. huhu just cause Im skinny , that doesnt mean Im anorexic. Hello??

Have you never heard about high metabolism thing???

Its not my fault that you cant fit ur junk in size S..

Pity you bitch

HOWEVER, I dont know how she does it, but her words really got me thinking.

When I was about to eat, I thought of her words. and i force myself to eat non stop!

Im so sad.. I am sad indeed!

So I have been eating non stop since then.

Every time my tummy gets hungry, I'd fill it in..

I dont follow the balanced diet or timing anymore.

It sux.. Knowing that people have problem seeing me. Seeing me as skinny I am, calling me names.. @_@ My self esteem drops down.. It does

Then.. hearing it again from my friends,about my physicality... well you know how it feels

This is so out of course.. huhu I cant even think straight..

Im exhausted and upset!

I hope I could get this over with.

I need support coz Im slipping away now..

Im afraid I might do something impulsive

Hope not huhu

For those who have the same issue as I am, just hold on.. I know its hard.. Lets just stay strong

They might mean no harm, so lets try to take it as a motivation. huh!

Keep reading.. Keep blogging :)

Much Love

It will always come back to you

Hi everyone, this is my first update for today

Just so you know, I am a girl that if possible, really do not want to bother anyone with my small problems.. Ive been tat girl lately..

A girl that would like to TRY to solve my tiny matters before asking people for help... and I am quite proud of myself cuz i was doing great.. heheeheeee until..

Until I own a lappy

An Aspire 4740 with windows 7.. huhu.. I dont rilly know about computers, honestly..

And i kept on bugging people about matters related to my lappymuluu..

I was so annoying till my mum proposed that I buy the DUMMIES book series. huhu

That was like a huge wake up call.. Since then, I kept it to myself..

Every time my lappy would turn into bluescreen, I could just wait until it started to reload again..

There is nothing much that I could do.. huhuks

Its really sad knowing that I am not even good at this.. I should be, but I am not.. So I kept on letting this blue screen crashes passed.

HOWEVER, something somewhere in my tiny conscious, FORCED me to ask around about this and do some reading about windows crashes.. To get this over with!

I always go to my bestfriend if I was having any problems with my lappy.. But somehow I felt so small to always go to him.. I was scared that he might thought I was taking advantage of him cause I know that is his NUMBER UNO DISLIKE!!

So I start to ask OTHER guys about this techno stuff.. I went to RAJA, he'd go " Apit kan tau, tanya la dia". huhuh.. Okay, lets try someone else... Then I asked Mirul , he goes "Apit lagi terer, if he doesnt know how to solve this, then I am even worse" the third guy , faeez.. and yes he also said the same thing "Syam kan tau, cuba tanya dia.. ko kan ada number dia"

GUYS, WHAT IM TRYING TO DO HERE IS TO NOT ASK APIT.. huhuks.. I always always always bother him with my lappyproblemo.. Sorry Apit.. huhu I know u are the most talented among em.. and this proves u are hehe.. but I was scared to ask because I know you already have your problems to fix .. I just don want to bug you *muAX* hihi

But at the end of the day, I am truly happy cause its proven , my bestfriend Apit is the best in handling this tech thing.. And he has the respect of many people..

I am so proud of you .. MUAXIES!

and I might go to you again and again ok, cause it will always take me back to you wherever I turn to... weheeee~

Friends? Are we?

Hey guys..

This is weird, 360degree weirdness @_@

Ive never ever ever updated my blog thrice a day!!

This proves how bored I am :(

Im so confused cuz i shudnt be bothered by this issue at all..

Im used to getting used to this..

BUT

This time,ITS CONFUSING!!!

I know i cudnt say all these words to him cuz he wudnt even listen to me right now..

Okay here goes nothing..

I dont understand sometimes, the way my friend chose to express his feelings..

His problems..

Yes i know, everybody has their own SPECIAL ways of solving their private matters..

and I have no right to step in.. What am I to him?

I am just a worried friend..

Okay , what im suggesting here is, try to loosen up a bit

Put ur guards down for awhile..

Tell me whats wrong.. Or just tell any of ur bf's about whats bothering u..

U'll feel better I think..

And we, ur friends wud stop ourselves from being judgemental towards u..

NO OFFENCE , but if u keep on doing this, it'll be harder next time

Just open up :) Try it once in awhile