modest pain

and thats what i get for letting my heart wins

haiz

anyways, im goin back to acms today. gotta lot of assignments to be done and chapters to cover

i hope i could make it in time. huhu i cannot study at all in kulim maybe cuz the house is superbly too comfortable! huhu

and im super boring being here. dont know why i miss my friends when im home but friends were to busy to entertain me now.

hmm thats all for now

macreative dearpitput!

malam ni kami chatting skaipiey seperti malam2 best yang lain! wee~

THANKS SKYPE! LOVE YOU

dua2 kena buat assignments n study2 sikit for tmrw's class

QUALITY of line vs. ATP phosphorylation process

BEST BEST BEST!!!

tekun sgt madeaku lukishh n cantik serta abstrak sgt outcome dia tu!

so ceritanya,kami jadi insan2 multitasking yang profesional sgt!

THEN datangla idea idea bernas utk mengisi perut yang mendambakan kasih sayang

n deabu pitput dapat idea makan soup campbell ngan sugar crackers!

+

message for chipits >> MISSHUUU

berhari hari daku menunggumu

haizz, penantian satu bentuk keboringan yang nyata

japgi ada kelas pukul 11. physical & inorganic chemistry.. Mrs Shamala memang terbaik! I loike pastu ada lecture english and Biology.

Sementara tu, meh kita berhibur dengar lagu PATRON TEQUILA ramai ramai

Best Best BEST!!

*bila lagu dah habis*

*sigh*

Sementara nak tunggu 9am, leh lagi stalking Fb boypren n gupren ku. Banyak kali pulak tu klik klik klik tgk page dorg, boyprenku si pitput, rindu boypren sgt!! guprenku cikda, rindu jugak jugak!

i wanna huggie! sobsob wuwuwuu

Semalam calling2 sembang dgn boypren smpai habis redit I. Tapi best sgt! Semalam aku amat stress mress, boypren pandai n sangat wise tolong nasihat2. Dia baik! Patu kami gelak2 sembang macam2.. Best sgt! Rindu dia .. Lopiu! Boypren cita situ takleh on9 sbb dia tak subscribe tenet servis. Boypren ku kesian dia tadak tenet kat umah baru, tapi dia dah kethiaq dah n berjaya dapat tenet. So,boypren ku kata nak on9 friday ni ( YEAY esok la tu )!! tak sabar nak tunggu boyprenku on9 nak berym dengan boyprenku yg comei!

*mintak mintak bukan sekadar harapan palsu yee*

dialog utk pitput dari tintun -->> Baru rapa hari je u tak on9, I dah tercari2 terkedek tekan klik klik klik Lastfm n facebook u tau. huhu lagu u dah engaq byk kali!

Miss muai boypren! >4

My gupren pulak citanya nak call ku japgi, lepas lecture yg bakal habis pukul 4 nanti. Tak sabaq nak sembang dengan guprenku. wee~! Katanya banyak cerita lagi nak kabarin kepadaku. harap tiada duyung yang menari breakdance di dalam isi topik utamanya ahakS! kalau ada, aku akan pening dan pengsan on the spot tau guprenku!

*emm harap gupren dapat terima kenyataan bahawa daku dah pening menduyungkan pemikiran*

Dialog buat gupren ---> Miss u yang! Lopiu tau! hihihi

Oh oh oh, dah 9am lebih dah, kena siap2 get ready lau tak kena tinggai bus!

Daku amat merindui semua rakan2 ku yang para hensem n jelitawan, Si Nita, Si Danny, Si Afor, Si Raja n Si Miul!

Harap semua sihat belaka!

TAKE CARE

LOTS OF LOVE

the name i always loved

* listening to "The Name I Loved" your version*

sobs

I always felt like a huge hole is being punched into my heart slowly whenever you went away. But this time, its much worse than just saying a simple goodbye. It hurts so much! Do you feel the same, dear?

I expressed my emotions quite badly few days ago cuz I refused to accept the facts just yet. And I might be a little optimistic this morning while talking to you, but, well you know how I really feel right?

I was used to having you very close to me all the time. You were always there. You assured me that nothing will change, well truly, as much as I wanted to believe you, I just cant stop thinking about how things will change after this, sweety.

Now I am finally LEARNING the fact that there will be no more weekend sweet escape with you and I am not surprised at all by the horrible frustration that comes with the truth, the truth that it will be hard for me to see you again. The worse part is, NO MORE KARAOKE SESSIONs WITH MY DEARBU!!! uwauwaaa~~~!

However I do believe that our csfness is very firm! The trust we gave to each other, well its something special! and I just hope that it will never be lessened by this gap between us. Instead, it will make us stronger~

Nevertheless, you know you'll always be very close to my heart and my thoughts, each and everyday. That's for sure. I do believe that you'd do the same thing to me and u will never leached my side!

The best part was, no matter how many arguments we had previously, we still prefer to hold on to our happy memories more. ehehe You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life! Just so you know,you will always be the bestest guy I've ever known, will always be a part of my big crazyfamily, will always be my lurblycsfboo!

Well well well, my dearest one is getting into LKW soon. I'm very happy and extremely excited for him!!! I know this would be a special moment in his life as we've waited for this long enough and I wanted to include it in my life too! I just wished to be there with him during the registration day and such. Will pray for your journey to go on smoothly!

ALL THE BEST!! as always, "STUDY HARD DEAQku" hehe

SPREAD YOUR WINGS N FLY, DARLING!!

p/s: i will never say goodbye to you, instead, i'll just say see you again! hehee love you!

turning 18 this year

WHATTAAA?? Im 18 ALREADYYYYYY????????????????????

Well, after almost 7 months in this "new year", I finally realized that I have to let go of my past to start a new one. Such as all those old clothes, biology paperwork, bundle of photos with my friends and hundreds of very meaningful messages in my phone. Talking about these cute smses Im sure everyone has their very own cannot-be-deleted smses hehee so I deleted only SOME of mine to help me move on. Life means moving on right? but Im a very attached person who needs to put on a lot of effort to forget just one simple thing. So u will be seeing a lot of "life is changing" phrase in this post cuz Im reminding myself about the fact it brings.

So anyways, I did deleted some of the precious teen hood smses

Well telling you the truth, it was one of the hardest moments in my life!

ahaha

I have a group of very awesome friends but only few that I really attached to. I didnt mean that I'll forget them all. Im learning that life is changing at this very moment and everyone is adapting to fit in this new crucial life. To change from a teenager into being a young adult. To change their school surroundings to universities arena and pretty soon, the world stage!!! To change into a new person, its a lot of work heehe. Good luck my sweethearts!

JIA YOU JIA YOU

I LOVE my friends dearly, my diababypitput, cikda yangyung, cik aidaderahma, dannyboy, rajoz, afor and some more. My mum knows how easy I'll put them first before me.

Im not bragging, hihi Im just saying the truth.

I'd travel all the way to KL just to meet them on weekends, well doesnt that sounds a lil selfless to you? huhu

I will surely remember them from time to time cuz Im sure we are not going to meet and talk as much as we did back in 2009.

Although sometimes I might not think of you, but just know this, I will never forget those times that we spent together.

Just so u know, I am a person who can get easily attached to someone or something and I HATE the "letting go" terminology I never want to change the way I put my friends before me, the way I am not a dynamic thinker or even the way I eat according to my mood!

But! I must learn or I'll never grow up.

So Im learning to let go of my feelings (anger/hatred/frustration) in order to grow into a stronger person. I must learn to put myself first. I must learn to let go of the past to get into the future, thats the main idea!!

hehe I have a story to share here, its about my experience!

As known, love story is very synonym to a life of a young teenage girl right? and I never thought I'd be in one cuz Im the one who'd be advising my friends not to commit to a relationship as it'll do nothing but waste their time. Somehow, GOD showed me that love is a very pure feeling and its a blessing from HIM if the one we love, loves us right back. Its very funny when I think about it all over again. How I love. hehe Well GOD was just showing me the teaser I guess, akaka cuz I fell in love with somebody that doesnt love me right back. Its fair enough when I think about it rationally. I might not deserve to be in love yet? It was sad just to see our future going outside the window without us in it. But hey, Im done trying to get it back and if he can move on why cant I try? Life is hard n its changing BUT he'll always be my bestest best friend forever! (though we fight a lot, he still numbero uno) hehe Well he is a very great man and I believe maybe he deserves someone better than me??

What about me? Well here's a lil info about me n my future studyplan! I am turning 18 this year and in days apart I'll be busy with my NEW life. I'll change from living a relaxed life to a more compact one. I am a MARA Program Ijazah Luar Negara (PILN) 2010 scholarship holder and I'll be doing Foundation in Pre-Medical at the Allianze College of Medical Studies (ACMS), Penang, Malaysia for one year. After that, with GOD's blessings maybe I'll be doing my future degree in Ireland , insyaAllah. I'll be a great doctor one day, a paediatrician! Wish me luck please hehe

Life's changing and I realized that I am actually a great person blessed with a warm family that supports me. I MUST change my priorities, I must put myself first just like everybody else is doing. To my family thanks for your support and unconditional love. Friends, goodluck and all the best, I hope to see you guys again soon.

Lets have fun again soon, miss you guys lots!

To the readers, dont change who u are, just change your ways to make u able to grow.

MUCH LOVE FROM SUARA's BLOG

the truth?

Sometimes I get disgusted with myself..

Destruction

Hi again friends , sorry lama tak update blog huhu, distracted sgt =(

Now i'll be posting everyday, i'll try hehe

okay today i have a story to post in my memories blog ni. Its about me n my dear friend. Here goes nothing

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I met him about hmm a year ago. He's a friend of Danny n was very friendly to me. When I first saw him I knew he'd be someone important in my life. So we began to learn more about each other day by day. We even did the cutest things together back then. We used to send each other cute memo notes whenever we're free. Especially during break time. He called me cute names hehe, I love em so much till one of em got stuck till today. We used to call each other using tat nickname. We went to extra classes together. We were together most of the time. We did ymchat till 5am in the morning. We bond . Back then, I was already in love with him but I thought its sumting tat i can delay. Delay about telling him the truth cuz he's the kind of guy tat dont trust in commitments. He dont wanna get involve in any relationship with me. I knew tat, so i think its best to learn about him more before we go somewhere else.

After SPM, he moved back to his hometown. Well its kindda sad for me. I was really sad about it. But there's always ways to be with him. Its like we were blessed or something cuz I met him many times after SPM. I went there n, he came here. Even in KL , we met. huhu We went to Genting Highlands together. Many new things I get to do whenever he's around. Tho i knew him for some time, but there's always things to do. words to say. For him its nothing, but for a girl, a girl like me, attention from him really moved me. I was happy whenever he's around. I am always. No matter where, just a ymchat with him, or in Genting riding those roller coasters, at my kampung or even a quick smsing with him. Im happy. was.

But there are times. when I hurt him badly. Till we gt into fights. He's mad at me, n me too. Me and him, sometimes we fight. Sometimes I cried cuz hurting him doesnt do nothing better to me. I realized tat so lately, ive been teaching myself not to get offended easily by him. He is a very frank man, he says whatever he hafto say. Even now Im still praising the land that he walked huhu. I dont know why, but I just cant stop it. Maybe its just me. huhu.. but me n him, we tend to forgive each other easily. Thats what I love about us.

I told him things that I suppose to let him know like 8 months ago. So, of course I dont hope for anything cuz it'll not gonna be the same. He's not the same guy as before. I cudnt hope for anything n he is frank. I have to be ready for this. I have to swallow the consequences if i cross the line. Well i confessed. I told him about my feelings. Perigi cari timba, yup tats me. Im that despo. huhu. Well as expected, he declined and pushed me back to where I suppose to be, safely in the comfortzone. And somehow, the truth cuts deeper than what Ive been lying to myself before. IT CUTS DEEPLY! Reading his words, my tears falls down unexpectedly. N it goes like more n more n more till i realized that I was sobbing! huhu pretty bad huh? Just now I was like LOST! He was my place to run to whenever nobody would take me in. He was my bestfriend n my lover, we love each other so much. He was the guy that I fall in love with. I never know tat I loved him this much to cry for him this bad huhu, a guy n a girl cud never be bestfriends huhu that fer sure

How I wish this was all a mistake, I cudnt handle the truth. I cant. I shudve think first before doing this. Now Im lost n I know Im being ludacris,but this is me. Im learning to let him go slowly. I cant afford to keep on getting hurt by myself. Its Love n love is something that I take seriously. I take u seriously for no reason . Im sorry. huuhu I told him the truth cuz I dont wanna lose him ever. but seeing it from where i left this, I lost him already kot, uhuhu Im sorry

i think i'll hang on if u still want me, but if u dont i guess i'll move on

I am in love with u, n its gonna be hard for me to go thru this. Im embarrassing myself here but I dont mind. I dont believe in commitments either, but when its u, I think its gonna be fine. huhu thats what I think. Not u. Well what s left to say? hmm I hope i havent done any damage to our friendship. I'll try being ur friend n treat u as a friend. I'll try my best. ily more

ONE SIDED?

hii again readers!!!!!!!

Ive slept almost 3/4 of the day. hohoho, but Im still sleepy and tired. huks

I have a trivia for all of you, just wondering am I the only person who ever feel this way, or its a normal feeling. hehehe, ok here goes nothing.

Have you ever feel like totally not in the mood for anything? Have you ever thought that you deserve the same special intimacy? Had you ever ever ever WISHED for something to go your way?

Well, I do. Till I believe that I am already immune to feeling em but.... Im not

Sometimes jealousy take over me, why? Because I hoped for more.. I always hope for more.. huhu Anyways I know I have to be able to take this and learn from it each and every time cuz only then, I think I cud breakaway from this absurd feeling. I dont own anyone and nobody owns me except my creator.

Thats the rule of life

It sounded so LONELY!!!

Just that sometimes I wish someone needs me the same way I need somebody, anyone. hihiks silly me.

This what happens when you oversleep ok guys, so stay healthy and sleep well

XOXO MUAXIES

ANOTHER HEART CALL

I've been walking around all day,

Thinking.

I think I have a problem,

I think I think too much.

I've been taught to hold back my tears

And avoid them.

But you make pain into something I could touch.

Pernah tak korang rasa satu detik hati bila kita macam kekosongan dan apa yang boleh mengisi ruang tu hanyalah dengan mendengar khabar orang yang kita sayang?

Well, thats what Im going through right now... All of a sudden I feel like wanting to hear my someone's voice.. But I dont want to barge into that someone's life to often..

That someone might just feel uneasy right? huhu, obses ke budak ni kan? hihi

I always felt my days were perfect IF I hear about that someone, even though its just a short sms from that someone nor an hour on phone with that someone.. That someone always made my day..

Have you ever had this weird kind of obsession towards the people that you care? I think its normal..

Its LOVE and love is normal

There's no such thing as LOVE between lovers ONLY..

The love among friends is also as powerful as other type of love kan?

And the sweetest part is..

When you love somebody, they will always be in our thoughts

Anyway, if youre reading this.. Im looking forward to talk to you again, give me a call whenever you are free.. Im available for you, always..

p/s: Just take some time to call or sms your loved ones.. Its worth it.. Live life to the fullest and do not miss the chance to love everyday..

Cherish love!!!

MISSING YOU XOXOXO

TOO TIGHT? IS THAT IT?

Hi , its already 2am and i should really be sleeping rite now..

I am feverish.. My nose hurts and my chest is burning..

My head is spinning !!

I had a lil chat with my galfren just now.

She was telling me about her handsome korean wannabe friend which happened to like her..

HE IS SOOOO CUTE! huhu.. I have to admit it, I was so jealous!

This is getting really absurd. hihiks

I dont know why, but its like a bullet passing through my flesh!!!

Seeing my friends, girls especially, having their own guys..

I cant help but to be so jealous.

Why cant I have something like that?

I want something like that too.. I deserve it, maybe

I kept on thinking, hehehe.. So weird!

I always rejects the idea of couple romance, but I sooo want it right now..

Plus I am feverish, my mental and hormone balance r so damned! I feel like crying!ahaks

last few night theres this girl.. She charged that I have anorexic eating problem.

WTF lah. huhu just cause Im skinny , that doesnt mean Im anorexic. Hello??

Have you never heard about high metabolism thing???

Its not my fault that you cant fit ur junk in size S..

Pity you bitch

HOWEVER, I dont know how she does it, but her words really got me thinking.

When I was about to eat, I thought of her words. and i force myself to eat non stop!

Im so sad.. I am sad indeed!

So I have been eating non stop since then.

Every time my tummy gets hungry, I'd fill it in..

I dont follow the balanced diet or timing anymore.

It sux.. Knowing that people have problem seeing me. Seeing me as skinny I am, calling me names.. @_@ My self esteem drops down.. It does

Then.. hearing it again from my friends,about my physicality... well you know how it feels

This is so out of course.. huhu I cant even think straight..

Im exhausted and upset!

I hope I could get this over with.

I need support coz Im slipping away now..

Im afraid I might do something impulsive

Hope not huhu

For those who have the same issue as I am, just hold on.. I know its hard.. Lets just stay strong

They might mean no harm, so lets try to take it as a motivation. huh!

Keep reading.. Keep blogging :)

Much Love

It will always come back to you

Hi everyone, this is my first update for today

Just so you know, I am a girl that if possible, really do not want to bother anyone with my small problems.. Ive been tat girl lately..

A girl that would like to TRY to solve my tiny matters before asking people for help... and I am quite proud of myself cuz i was doing great.. heheeheeee until..

Until I own a lappy

An Aspire 4740 with windows 7.. huhu.. I dont rilly know about computers, honestly..

And i kept on bugging people about matters related to my lappymuluu..

I was so annoying till my mum proposed that I buy the DUMMIES book series. huhu

That was like a huge wake up call.. Since then, I kept it to myself..

Every time my lappy would turn into bluescreen, I could just wait until it started to reload again..

There is nothing much that I could do.. huhuks

Its really sad knowing that I am not even good at this.. I should be, but I am not.. So I kept on letting this blue screen crashes passed.

HOWEVER, something somewhere in my tiny conscious, FORCED me to ask around about this and do some reading about windows crashes.. To get this over with!

I always go to my bestfriend if I was having any problems with my lappy.. But somehow I felt so small to always go to him.. I was scared that he might thought I was taking advantage of him cause I know that is his NUMBER UNO DISLIKE!!

So I start to ask OTHER guys about this techno stuff.. I went to RAJA, he'd go " Apit kan tau, tanya la dia". huhuh.. Okay, lets try someone else... Then I asked Mirul , he goes "Apit lagi terer, if he doesnt know how to solve this, then I am even worse" the third guy , faeez.. and yes he also said the same thing "Syam kan tau, cuba tanya dia.. ko kan ada number dia"

GUYS, WHAT IM TRYING TO DO HERE IS TO NOT ASK APIT.. huhuks.. I always always always bother him with my lappyproblemo.. Sorry Apit.. huhu I know u are the most talented among em.. and this proves u are hehe.. but I was scared to ask because I know you already have your problems to fix .. I just don want to bug you *muAX* hihi

But at the end of the day, I am truly happy cause its proven , my bestfriend Apit is the best in handling this tech thing.. And he has the respect of many people..

I am so proud of you .. MUAXIES!

and I might go to you again and again ok, cause it will always take me back to you wherever I turn to... weheeee~